Baru Blek

Baruk blit dari miri, penat alu p xpa la, xsalu camtok. Hehe. Trasa mok polah entri lam bahasa sarawak lok. Hahaha.. Best ehs! :)

Lamak alu xmakan mi kolok, pastok xpat gk mk makan mi kolok nok nyaman cam rah miri. Lol. Kakar kedak org tua. Makan mi jawa kat aseanika and hole no 9, laksa sarawak umah yus, makan cendol and rojak di belakang mega. Nang damn best.

Pasya sempat gik g men futsal kat tempat parking mmc cya. Damn. Nang best jumpa member lamak indah cya. Haha. :) Nice game btw.

Now da blit ada juak best ada juak xbest p apa bole buat la. Huhu. Penat da badan, rasa cam mk type byk gk p, smpey ctok jk la. :)

Wow Durian!

Last evening, I went to SS2 with my mommy to eat durian. We went to Usj19 first just to know that there were no good durian there. My mother decided to go for any eat-all-you-want package but apparently only available in SS2. So there we went.

There were lots of people in SS2 enjoying durian, slurrp. Its been awhile since my last visit here. When owwhhhh?? Ooo, with a friend. We took the package and it costs us RM30 per head. So damn expensive but later I find it worth every cents. Durian served were so delicious with thick content. Lol. We finished about 5 or 6 durians late that evening. Sounds little? The durians were so big.

Funny thing that happened yesterday was, there were these 3 guys, Chinese I think. I think they are sotong, because the way they walk, talk and their appearance. Just my thought at least. They came and sat on the table next to our. One of the guy asked my mum, is it delicious? With his soft tone. My mum said yes, do you want to try? And it continues with blalalalala (long conversation). I just sit there eating. When my mother went to the cashier, the guy look on my face and ask me, " Mana you punya kakak?" I replied with something like this, "Urm, urm, urmmmm, not my kakak, my mom". With a long urm. He then said " Oooooo," and I laughed inside. I told my mom about this when we went back home and we both laugh. I was like, what? my kakak? Hahahaha... Darn, question left for me was, does my mom looks younger than her age? Or do I look old? Hahahaha...

p/s: Durian will affect your day. Beware!

Lemahnya...

Problem memang selalu ada, xkira la dalam famili ke, kapel ke, society ke, kelab ke, bisnes ke, p dapat ke x hadapi? Kalu first time kena prob xpe la, tapi kalu bende same jd lgik nak wat cane? Xkan nak terima je. Cuai name nye. Bodoh pon bole jugak. Memang xde pilihan lain selain face it, or leave it. Sebab kadang2 kepala kalu da tekad, memang lautan api or hutan berduri dilalui. :))

So dalam diri sendiri la, klu da ada prob, mmg just muhasabah diri jalannya. Terima apa nasihat org, tengok apa kesalahan diri, taubat n tawakal. Aiyoyo, banyak nya kesalahan aku yg at last diri sendiri fikir, btol ke ape aku buat nih? Tak hairan la sume bende wat xberkat, diri sendiri da byk sgt prob. :PP

Klu dalam famili lak, ade prob, ketua la yg kene setel. Yang len folo je. Senang. P klu kesalahan same tuh, rotan, sebat, belt, hanger jd hukuman paling cerdas. Hahahaha. Based from my exp.

Lemahnya aku bila sampai prob dengan awek. Gaduh bukan tau tym. Bukan tau ape punca. Just nak gaduh je sebab lame xgaduh. Xcun la camtuh lagi laki memang slalu nya nak cool. Memang la jeles ade bro, p ade gak limit. Ade gak limit tuh, situ la tempat gaduh besar jadi. World War 3. Tapi sumtym nih, bile da gaduh, sorg back off, cakap enuf, dah tatau nak teruskan or x. Hati memang frust, berangin. Tapi xle nak cakap lebeyh sebab da cakap ayat bernas nak back off da. Sedeh, memang sedeh p da org xsudi, xkan nak paksa. :(

Pening pening da kepala. Hati xtenteram. Muka pun monyok je. Tapi daripada filem Love and the Other Drugs yg aku tgk td, ape2 pun jd, life must go on. Bile da kt bawah ni, ingat la ade la blik kt atas nanti. Mayb bukan sekarang tp nanti la kot, klu panjang umur. :) Lagipun lebih penting diri sendiri ada pegangan, ada agama, suma guide ada, complete diajar, tinggal nak ikot je. :)

p/s: Sekadar nak happy kan diri yang luka lara nih.

I am not sure

I woke up today with my mind thinking hard about so many things. Thing I am not sure myself. But mostly about my relationship. I had tried to really commit myself into this relationship but I have not see or feel any gain for me. When misunderstanding happened, I just do not know what I should really say or do because I am not sure where all of this start. Everything seems not right.

When I ask before about stuffs, I thought that stuffs have been explained to me completely. But yesterday, it haunted me back, little by little, crawling with new fact. Now I am not sure did I really understood with the problem in the first place. Damn :(

I think I had given many chances to explain, and now its time for me to just let it be. I just do not want to know about stuffs anymore. When stuffs are past, please let it stay in the past. Now I know the truth, all things seems start to resolve one by one. What questions I had in mind, surprisingly answered. I am living in the present, why present must be much worser that past? Duhh~

I made up my mind last night, its time for me living in reality. No more fantasy please Hilmi. Do not hope for fairy tales. It ends here.

p/s: Wanna play HoN also distracted already. Lol

Pening2 Lalat

Kepala pening, nak buat personal statement malas, bila nak start, tak tahu.

InterStudy dah hantar emel suruh settle kan application cepat2, Alamak!

Ada personal statement lama tapi tak tahu boleh terima or tidak, mmg Zzz.

Terfikir sendiri bila lah nak siap nih.

Semakin pening, tengok skrin monitor Samsung, tak ada apa2 yang menarik.

Tggu punya tggu, siap jugak akhirnya Warrior's Way, wow,

Tengok punya tengok, bosan la pulak, tido la kejap.

Terbangun dengan kebisingan babak fighting memang tambah bosan.

Kusut masai, sudahla bosan, plus lagi dengan perasaan stress.

Buat apa2 pun salah, xfokus, serba xkena, apa la yang ada di dalam fikiran.

Mungkin diri sendiri xfaham perasaan dalam hati atau jalan cerita.

Apa sebenarnya terjadi, tak tahu dan mahu tahu.

Lol... :D

Appreciating

Sometimes all we need is a little of appreciation. Maybe because of what we did, or what we say, or anything that can be appreciated. It can be shown with words, actions or thoughts perhaps. I do remember how to appreciate people around me that need a little encouragement. Because I do need some appreciation from people around me to let myself know that I am exist to them.

I feel grateful with all I have that have been given by Allah but sometimes my little heart just full with greed, lust, envy, which put me into this uncertain unpleasant feeling. These feelings make me forget to appreciate. Or maybe I have not been appreciated well enough? I dont know. Maybe yes maybe no. But in any way, I am thankful enough. I know very much I am easily hurt. But I learn the hard way to make myself stronger than yesterday. All by myself. I know those who hold to his patience would win someday in this game. :)

P/s: Am I too clingy? I thought it is okay. But apparently not. :D

“The greatest of all gifts is the power to estimate things at their true worth”

François de la Rochefoucauld quotes (French classical author, leading exponent of the Maxime, 1613-1680)

Morning small laugh

I woke up texting my girlfriend. I asked her something like this, is it ok if I put high expectation in our relationship. I asked this kind of question because of curiosity, insecurity (maybe?), and just mere question. She replied, lets try, love dont come if we force it, it comes naturally. I dont know how to reply to that. :)

I give it some thought. Maybe I am closing myself up. I need to open my mind to see whats outside there. Hee~ In my head, one song keep on repeating, Jangan Bilang Tidak. Lol. I laugh a bit. Aiyo, I wonder how selfish I have been.

p/s: Bangun pagi gosok gigi cuci muka dan mandi... (teringat lagu tym kecik)

Bangun Pagi

Selamat Pagi Blog. Hari ini saya bangun awal actually. Selalunya pukul 1030 baru bangun. Tapi hari ini hati saya rasa xbest. Walaupun badan penat. Tapi kalau hati risau, xtenang pastilah saya xdapat tdo. Badan penat sebab main bola semalam. Memang penat. Tapi bila hati rasa xbest, nak tdo pun xdapat. Terbangun memikirkan problem sampai pukul 5. Tapi kepala still terfikir sampai sekarang, Who am I to her. Does she feel the same like this? I think she has already fast asleep. I dont get it. As far as I can think, maybe I am not so special. Unimportant. Like a stuffed doll, when you need me you take me, when I am boring, just let me alone. Nak tido balek pon xdapat. Maybe I am not worth her time. Zzz. I did not give enough time?

p/s: Dengar lagu Talking to the Moon cam sedap je.. :(

Gundah tapi Takda Hal

Semalam pergi kuar ngn Man n Mirul ke Al Safa kat Bandar Utama. Mamak n nasi lemak dye perghhh!! Pedas syal. Sampai keluar air dari hidung. Dahla xtahan pedas, makan g time perut ngah kosong. Memang Double Tap! Sakit perut je manjang pastuh. Damn. Dalam kul 12 camtuh perut mule meragam. Rasa nak ke toilet je. Ajak dorang balek. Sampai je kt umah, lari2 naik lif nak masok umah, damn... Pas setel sume g mandi n solat isya'.

Tapi dalam hati gundah gulana mengenang nasib menimpa badan yang xseberapa kurus nih. Tapi selamba, cover ngan g main HON. Sedap gak kene bantai. Men2 rupe2nye dah subuh. Mata pun da ngantok. Tapi hati still resah gelisah.Taktau nak watpe. So baring2 je lar. Sebelum tu subuh lu la..

All of sudden my mom masok lam bilik cakap dye nak g kerje. So macam biase aku salam ngan dye. Wangi je aku cium tangan mak. Hati trus xgundah gulana lagi. Aku pon xtau nape, p aku trus dapat tido pastu. Happy. Gua gundah tapi xda hal la. Hari nie pun still happy lagi.

John Mayer - Heartbreak Warfare

This is what I'm thinking. This is what happened. Its like Im stuck in a place where I cant move. So I sit and let the Sadness fills his pleasure.

"If you want, more love, why dont you say so..."

Sadness

Once again I feel this unpleasant, unwanted feeling. It consumes me n myself of my awareness that I pledged to myself before not to fall again. I never have ill thought and put my trust in something that I should not do. It just this is simply unbelievable, unacceptable thing that could ever happened. Why it should be me? It was so fast that I cant even have the time to say a word that wander in my heart, what I thought, there is no chance to listen, no chance for anything, it feels like a bullet through my chest and there is nothing there but to accept. I cried. It feels like I lost someone important to me. It feels almost like when my bro left me. I know that this thing is way more useless compare to that. Way different. As I am at that very very moment just realize who I have been, why I have enslaved myself to this temporary feeling. When I close my eyes, I know I have been left out here alone. This life is not a fairytale, I dont believe in such anymore. Patience is what I need. I really believe patience is the only thing I got now. This scar will show where I have been in my sails.

"As Tears Go By" Original Rolling Stones Version

God damn it. I love this song so much. It reminds me of the beautiful of life. I learn it from watching tv series House. What would you do if you are going to die within minutes? And your beloved ones are all around you. What would you say? What would you feel? I wonder this unimaginable situation. Would in the brink of death makes me realized everything? I continue to wonder...

So I am here listening this song appreciating everything that has been given to me by Allah Almighty. My family, my beloved one, my friends, my health, my happiness. I am truly grateful and I pray that I will be always grateful. Amin. :)

As tears go by...

Black Sheep - Metric cover by MC & Eric

God damn it they play this song well. The sound is nice and I really like this song. Chord chord chord please!