Sadness

Once again I feel this unpleasant, unwanted feeling. It consumes me n myself of my awareness that I pledged to myself before not to fall again. I never have ill thought and put my trust in something that I should not do. It just this is simply unbelievable, unacceptable thing that could ever happened. Why it should be me? It was so fast that I cant even have the time to say a word that wander in my heart, what I thought, there is no chance to listen, no chance for anything, it feels like a bullet through my chest and there is nothing there but to accept. I cried. It feels like I lost someone important to me. It feels almost like when my bro left me. I know that this thing is way more useless compare to that. Way different. As I am at that very very moment just realize who I have been, why I have enslaved myself to this temporary feeling. When I close my eyes, I know I have been left out here alone. This life is not a fairytale, I dont believe in such anymore. Patience is what I need. I really believe patience is the only thing I got now. This scar will show where I have been in my sails.